A Test of Faith

Eden has had a rough last 24 hours starting mainly with her lungs and oxygen intake, and then every thing seemed to start being issues that never were (such as edema, not urinating, high and then low blood pressure, pain tolerance, breathing, CO2 output, etc.). It has all been very scary for Jeremy and I. I am glad we were together the whole time during this because all I could do was sob and yet they needed us to make some major decisions for aggressiveness to keep her going and the many risks short term and long term that go with those. Remember, the world of medicine is all about risks and benefits.

During this difficult 24 hour period, Jeremy gave Eden a father's priesthood prayer, then he and a new friend who is a bishop and has a baby in the NICU too gave her a priesthood blessing for the sick, we have prayed for her over and over, we fasted, we have filled her room with love, and are trying to do all we can to help her, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It got to a point that all I could do was sit in a rocking chair in her room and read to myself (we, including nurses, are trying to not touch or talk to her since she is feeling so ill). I read this month's Ensign, the third article was titled, "Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death," I thought, "great, just what I need (sarcastic of course)." But as I read the article I was inspired and I can tell you how with one little quote,

"Believing in miracles and the power of the priesthood is important. But faith sufficient to accept the Father's will may be more important."

I shared the article and my thoughts with Jeremy on it. He felt the same. This is a test of faith for us. We have done all we can do and now we have to have faith and be willing to accept God's will no matter the outcome. With that, we decided to leave Eden to go home and sleep and shower and go to sacrament meeting. It was hard to leave and yes, we got our first phone call in the wee hours of the morning letting us know that Eden wasn't doing well, and then a few hours later we were called by the doctor to come in immediately to the hospital. We then had our first group counsel (a meeting with the doctor, RN, respiratory nurse, patient care rep, and us) on our next step for Eden which needed to be done in a timely manner.

Eden is still critical but she is stable. We are happy to say she has started to urinate again and her oxygen levels are stable. We just received information on her latest head ultrasound. Good news, no brain bleeding. She is kept alone under a blanket tent over her incubator. She is still very ill, but we are happy compared to yesterday and we try our best to stay hopeful. Once again the other micro preemie families here have patted us on the back and told us it will all be OK, it is a roller coaster, it is scary, but the babies are surprisingly strong. Their words bring comfort. Baby Jackson's parents just got the news that they are going home with him today after 90 plus days in the NICU. Way to go for Jackson. See, these micro preemies are so brave and so strong.